When my husband was diagnosed with cancer, people began telling me that his illness was part of God’s plan. I didn’t ask for this, and frankly, I don’t want it. But as a Christian wife who loves her husband deeply and wants him to live to see his children grow up, I’m left wondering what it means for me when God seems silent about healing in our lives.
What To Do As A Christian When My Husband Is Sick
The first step is to pray for your husband, yourself, your children and the rest of your family. Then think about praying for other relationships in your life—your church’s congregation and leaders, members of your community and even people you don’t know personally but who are in need around the world or even across the street from where you live.
Pray some more.
The Bible says that we are to “Pray for one another, that you may be healed.” (James 5:16) Pray for your husband. Pray for yourself. Pray for your family. Pray for your church. Pray for friends and neighbors who have sick loved ones in their lives as well as those who don’t have any loved ones but are still sick themselves.
In addition to praying, there are other things you can do in order to help the person(s) suffering from illness:
- Visit them if they’re at home or in the hospital; bring food/beverage if appropriate (if not, ask what they might enjoy having brought), let them know how much they mean to you by speaking words of encouragement and love through actions such as singing songs together (especially Christian songs of worship), writing letters which you mail out later after recovering from what was going on when visiting them when sick
Please don’t be shocked when I cry, and don’t say “don’t cry.”
If you are like most of us, then you have had a friend or family member get sick. What do you do when this happens? Do you visit them in the hospital? Do you spend time with them at home to help out? If your friend or family member is in need of comfort, would it be too much to ask if he/she could count on your support? If this is the case and if someone close to me was sick, I would want him or her to know that he/she can depend on me for anything they need.
My husband has been sick recently (thankfully not serious), but since we live so far away from family and friends, I find myself being more sensitive than usual about his health needs. The one thing I wish people would remember when their loved ones are ill is that some words can be hurtful because they make it seem like a person does not care about another person’s feelings.
Please don’t be shocked when I cry, and don’t say “don’t cry.” When my husband was first diagnosed with cancer eight years ago, one of my friends said these exact words after hearing the news over the phone. While this may seem like an innocent statement being made by someone who wants nothing more than for me to feel better–it still stung deeply because they were implying that crying was wrong or inappropriate under certain circumstances such as these kinds of situations where death has already occurred but there might still be hope left behind if only one could look past all those feelings right now….
Please don’t encourage me to think that my husband’s cancer is all part of God’s will.
- Don’t tell me that my husband’s cancer is all part of God’s will.
- Don’t say “don’t cry.” It’s fine if you want to cry, too, but don’t tell me not to. I do feel like crying sometimes, and that’s okay.
- Try not to say things like “you should be grateful” or “God never gives us more than we can handle.” These statements are only true in the most specific circumstances—in most cases they’re simply untrue and unhelpful when someone is suffering from grief or physical pain.
Don’t tell me God never gives us more than we can handle, because one day I may say that to you and it will be a lie.
When my husband was sick and struggling with his health, I had a hard time understanding why God would do this to him. There were many days where I felt like God was punishing my husband for some reason or another. Those thoughts were quickly replaced by memories of all the times in our marriage where he had been there for me when I needed help or comfort. He has always been there in good times and bad: when I was pregnant with our children, when we adopted them as babies, when they got sick as toddlers…and even now that they’re adults living their own lives away from home. As soon as those thoughts came into my mind, I knew that God hadn’t given us more than we could handle—he simply wanted us to lean on him through it all no matter what happens next.
Don’t tell me that this is just a test of faith.
This is not a test of faith. This is real, and it’s happening. If you tell me that I’m just being tested by God, it’s true that I won’t be able to feel the presence of God in any way—but neither will you. It will be like me trying to explain what the color green looks like to someone who has never seen it before: there are no words for how awful this situation feels from your end either!
You might think that telling me everything happens for a reason will make me feel better about my husband’s condition, but it doesn’t help at all! In fact, saying these things can actually hurt our relationship because they make me feel like my love isn’t good enough or real enough for him—and this makes him feel guilty too!
Yes, I am being tested. But the test isn’t about giving glory to God in every moment of my husband’s illness; it’s about glorifying God in the midst of our suffering.
- Don’t say “Don’t cry.”
- Don’t tell me that God never gives us more than we can handle.
- Don’t tell me that this is just a test of faith and/or perseverance, or how wonderful it is that we are being tested so much (I know God will always give us grace if we ask for it).
- Don’t tell me that you had a similar situation but turned out okay and I will too because I am so much stronger than you were—you don’t know what my situation is like!
As a Christian, I need your prayers not your platitudes.
I appreciate your concern and support, but I don’t need platitudes to make me feel better.
- Don’t say “don’t cry.” Crying is a natural response to stress and sadness. When someone you love gets sick, it’s okay to cry! You may feel like crying yourself—that’s okay too! Crying with someone can be cleansing and comforting in its own way.
- Don’t say “God never gives us more than we can handle.” Nobody is going through cancer because they wanted a challenge in their life; they’re going through it because they have cancer! And saying this doesn’t mean anything when someone has cancer or any other serious illness; most people would rather not have cancer at all than feel that God gave them cancer as part of his plan for them (although there are some who feel differently). Saying this also implies that if you could handle something on your own without help from anyone else then maybe God wouldn’t give it to you at all…and again this isn’t true for many people who struggle with physical pain every day as well as emotional turmoil due to their illness(es). Additionally, just because something seems overwhelming doesn’t mean it really is overwhelming–many people survive horrific events every day without breaking down under pressure (and sometimes even thrive after such events!). Therefore reassuring someone who is struggling by telling them everything will be okay might not always be accurate since there are no guarantees about what happens next with our loved ones’ health nor how long they will live before succumbing completely under whatever condition affecting them now or later down the road… So while trying hard not only helps but also gives meaning during difficult situations like these where nobody knows what tomorrow holds; believing everything will work out fine regardless whether trying hard makes sense right now isn’t always accurate either since one thing being true does not preclude another thing being false (i
I am sure there are many other things you could do, but these are some of the most important ones. Pray for my husband and I, and pray that we will be able to find strength in our faith during this difficult time. Please don’t forget about us; we need all the support we can get!