How To Rebuke Someone

There are few things more frustrating than having someone you love continue to do something that hurts themselves or others. If a friend is caught in a cycle of damaging behavior, there may come a time when you decide it’s necessary to intercede, even if it means rebuking him or her. I know this firsthand as I once found myself in the position of needing to rebuke my best friend after she said some pretty awful things about me behind my back. Afterward she thanked me for confronting her, but it could have gone much differently if I had gone about the conversation with anger and frustration instead of grace and empathy. Here’s how to get it right:

How To Rebuke Someone

Love the person you are rebuking.

It’s important to understand that you are rebuking someone because you love them. You wouldn’t be taking the time to correct their behavior if you didn’t care about them, or want the best for them. You are doing what is right for the other person and their relationship with Jesus Christ.

When we rebuke others, it should never be done in a harsh way—as though we were angry with them or as though they had wronged us personally. Instead, when we rebuke someone (or when they rebuke us), we should do it gently and kindly—with a spirit of love and concern for the wellbeing of our brother or sister in Christ. Rebutting another person can feel awkward at first, but like anything else worth doing in life it takes practice until it becomes easier over time

Don’t rebuke in anger.

  • Don’t rebuke someone in anger.
  • Don’t rebuke someone when you are frustrated.
  • Don’t rebuke someone when you are tired.
  • Don’t rebuke someone when you are hungry and thirsty, as this is a time of weakness for the body that can make one more irritable than usual.
  • And don’t rebuke anyone who has been sick or is about to be sick with something contagious, because sickness can cause a person to act differently than normal—and it’s best not to aggravate them if they’re already feeling less than 100%.

Confront promptly.

Don’t wait too long to address the issue.

Don’t let problems fester and get worse.

If you want to avoid problems, don’t let them get out of hand or out of control.

Do it privately.

  • Do it privately.
  • Don’t do it in public or in front of the person’s friends, family, boss or any other people who could be easily influenced by their negative opinion of you.

Don’t take sides.

As an employee of the company, you should never take sides in a quarrel.

If someone is arguing with your coworker, don’t get involved.

Don’t take sides in an argument.

If someone is fighting with their spouse or significant other, don’t intervene unless you’re asked to do so by one of them or their children are present.

Let me be perfectly clear about this: You should never take sides when it comes down to the relationship between two people who aren’t related to each other by blood or marriage—even if those two people are friends of yours and have asked for your help.

Make sure of the facts.

The first thing you need to do is make sure of the facts. Ask questions and be sure that you have all the facts before you begin. If someone has done something that is wrong, but it was not intentional, then rebuke them in a gentle way. But if they did it on purpose and knew better, then there is no room for mercy or forgiveness.

Don’t assume anything either! Just because someone looks like they had fun at your party doesn’t mean they really did (or vice versa). Don’t jump to conclusions based on appearances or rumors; instead get all your information before making any judgments about what happened or why someone acted in a certain way.

It’s okay to ask for advice when dealing with others’ imperfections! We all make mistakes sometimes so asking for advice from people who may have more experience handling similar situations can help guide us in our own decision-making process when we’re unsure about how best handle a situation involving another person’s actions being less than perfect themselves.”

Admit your own faults.

When we admit our own faults and sins, it’s easier to see that others are also in need of forgiveness. Many people do not realize their own failings because they are too proud or self-righteous to ask for help.

If you are humble enough to admit your own faults and ask for forgiveness, then you will be more likely to extend love and mercy towards those who have wronged you. This is how the cycle of sin ends: with repentance, humility, grace and forgiveness from God (and other humans).

Stick to the issue at hand.

Stick to the issue at hand.

  • Don’t bring up old issues. You don’t want to drag a conversation back to something that happened months ago, especially if the person has already apologized for their behavior and you have accepted their apology.
  • Don’t bring up new issues. If there are things going on right now that aren’t working out, it’s important not to address this as part of your rebuke.
  • Don’t bring up unrelated issues – or really any unnecessary information at all! Stick with what needs fixing in this moment and leave other topics out of it unless they’re relevant (like if someone’s doing something dangerous, which could lead them into danger somewhere else).

If you can keep these three things in mind when approaching someone about a problem, you’ll be sure not only that your rebuke will be effective but also that everyone involved will understand where they stand and how best to move forward together toward resolution!

Focus on the future, not the past.

A final word of advice: focus on the future, not the past. You can’t change what has already happened, but you can choose to make a different decision in the future. So don’t dwell on the past or let it hold you back from making progress. If a mistake was made, learn from it and move forward in life.

Don’t rebuke someone impulsively, but don’t forget to do it when it is called for.

  • Don’t rebuke someone impulsively.
  • Don’t rebuke someone in anger.
  • Don’t rebuke someone in front of others.
  • Don’t rebuke someone publicly or privately.
  • Don’t rebuke another person when you yourself have sinned against them and are guilty of the same thing (James 5:16).
  • Don’t expect to receive a blessing from God for being harsh with a brother or sister in Christ if he should ever need kindness from you (Proverbs 17:14).


Rebuking someone is not something to be taken lightly. But it is also not something to put off unnecessarily. If you do it the right way, your words can make a huge difference in their life and possibly even yours as well. Do it thoughtfully, prayerfully, and with love and concern for the other person. And don’t take too long about it either!

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